My favorite F-words

What makes a life worth living? Friendship. Family. Fun. Faith. For me, those are what I need. Sometimes I take that for granted. Okay, I often take that for granted. Friends I've made throughout my about-to-be 35 years have come and gone. Some have stayed.

Recently I moved across the country, back to my home state, and reconnected with old friends. It's been an challenging yet amazing journey. The growth in me, my priorities, my mindset, my self worth from high school to adulthood had never before been apparent. I miss the relationships I made in the Midwest. I am reacquainting myself with the friends of my younger years and now am understanding the need-yes, need!-for solid, honest, long lasting friendships.

My best friend from high school found out she had breast cancer while she was pregnant. We sat together during one of her chemo treatments, she was about 7 months pregnant. Between the two of us, she was the quiet one, the one who got "sucked in" to my crazy antics. As we sat there, she told me about finding out about cancer, educating herself and fighting it and I cherished her even more than I knew I could. As she spoke I watched her, in her scarf covered head talk and thought about us as girls, dressing up for prom together (because I wouldn't go unless she went, of course!), photographing for the high school yearbook, meeting to party on weekends in college, being in each others weddings...she was part of my life-"my life" and here she was fearlessly facing death. Thankfully, the cancer is in remission and her gorgeous boy was born healthy. I couldn't imagine my life without her. Another friend from high school recently died suddenly. We had kept in touch on and off throughout the years. Only after his death did I learn that he had been homeless, jobless, divorced and unable to maintain a stable life. Both of these situations reminded me the importance of being a friend. That, for me, friendship means dedication.

The move across country separated me from friends I made over the 10 years I lived in Indiana. A few I met when I first moved there and stayed close to over the years; most I met when I became a mother. Having a support system when I was feeling overwhelmed, alone and unworthy was something (I can see now) that I took for granted. Hindsight...you know what they say. Now, living in a new town I've tried to make friends to replace the old. To fill in for my friends that I miss. All the while overlooking the new relationships that I can form. I have found myself mourning the loss of what was but overlooking who I am and who I can be to others.

Recently, I found myself in a very dark place. I wallowed in all the "what I don't have". I chose to be a victim of my circumstances instead of embracing the new opportunities. I was ashamed to admit my weakness but called on family. Unexpectedly, my father dropped everything and flew up the day after I called him. He cleaned, did laundry, played with the kids, listened to and counseled me without judgement. One day he encouraged me to leave the house. As we were out and about in town I ran into people I'd met over the 6 months of living here, I chatted with some other mother's in the park, I got a hug from the local coffee shop girl who asked where I'd been hiding myself. And I realized what I do have.

I have friends, I have family, and, I have fun. I love to laugh, to make people smile, to include people, to socialize, to experience and I make "fun" a priority. Whether it be imaginary play with my kids, karaoke with the girls, concerts with my husband, experimenting with new recipes, trying out new classes at the gym, volunteering...fun is what gets me through the day. A life without fun is a life wasted. If I am not making life fun, not laughing at the moments, not embracing the good in life then I feel unhealthy. I want people to see me and feel happy and know that I enjoy life and accept all that God has blessed me with.

Faith. Ahhhh, faith. Today I confided in someone that I'd lost my faith. For the last 5 years my family was part of a church that was the center of our lives. It had everything our family needed: family groups, activities, wonderful services, strong spiritual leadership. After moving to Texas, we visited local churches, didn't find our "match" and gave up. And that is the key. I gave up. I gave up faith. Faith that God just is. That He is and always will be. The friend I confided my lost faith to told me, "Every day just remind yourself that you have faith. Even if you don't believe it, you will. It's there." And I knew that it was there, just waiting for me to return.

And now, I have faith.

Functional Apron

I’m moving across the country. I realized it today although I’ve been planning since January. From the Midwest back to Texas. Emotionally I’m not ready so I am in hyper-planning mode; trying to control the uncontrollable. My panic button was pushed over Memorial Day weekend when I looked at my calendar to plan out my remaining weekends before the move and realized there were only 3 left!
I’ve decided that I am going to set up the kids room first and a craft corner second. Then my mind wandered to the necessity for a functional apron. A throw back to the 50’s where pearls and an apron were the necessary accessories. I want an apron. Mind needs to be functional, many pockets, and make them deep. Deep enough to hold random toy parts. A pocket to hold a pen and small notepad. A pocket to collect small, random toys. Another pocket to hold my phone. And another pocket to hide candy (emergency bribes) and Tylenol; inevitably, someone WILL get sick.

If there were anything to delay this project it would be choosing fabric. My functional apron will be a uniform of sorts so the fabric will have to be fitting of my many home making duties while keeping my own personal funky flavor. Amy Butler prints, repurposed vintage fabric, polka dots, stripes, a little bit of Mexican flair…oh, the possibilities are endless! My friend K and I have the same love of vintage linens. So much that we went to a presentation at the local historical society titled, “A Woman’s Work is Never Done”. It was our version of a Star Trek convention. K and I arrived in our skirts, heels, pearls and aprons.

The days before Memorial Day weekend we were in Ohio for a family funeral. Tim’s Grandmother passed away at age 86. While I was there my mother-in-law brought out heirloom aprons, one was her mother’s. My husband’s family is the closest manifestation to the June Cleaver ideal I’ve always fanaticized about becoming. She held the thin-from-years-of-washing feed sack apron in her hands and told me, “if my mother were awake, she'd have this on”. And that’s why I love aprons. Because, for me, it’s a symbol of the home; a uniform for employment I didn’t seek but am so blessed to be called to. I want to be the mother in the apron that my children, and grandchildren, remember.

My Pledge for Change

What a historical day. Today my 4-year-old and I picnicked on the living room floor while we watched the inauguration. We bowed our heads during prayer and my son, as difficult as it was for his busy little body, respectfully kept quiet until Rick Warren said, "Amen". We watched Aretha Franklin sing My Country 'Tis of Thee and I realized it was the first time my son had ever heard that song. With my son cuddled in my lap, we watched President Obama take his presidental oath. When the final words were spoken my son jumped up and down, cheering, in out living room. So, I got up and jumped and cheered with him.



So, here is my pledge for change...

I will teach my children through my actions.
I will use the gifts God has given me to help others.
I will respect myself in order to be a better wife, mother, daughter, friend.
I will stretch myself outside my comfort zone in order to find ways to grow as a person.
I will educate others about Autism and its effects on family and the community.
I will share my story so people know that we are not so different.

And, I will continue to pray.

Groceries.

This morning I went grocery shopping at 6 am. Ugh. Husband has been working hard and late all week and I have been putting off grocery shopping. I'd rather scavenge the pantry for random snacks and squeeze the very last dab of toothpaste out of the tube than take the kids with me to the store. They're not awful kids; the mix of kids and coats and Meijer and coupons and grocery lists...well, it all makes me a little panic-y.

So this morning I jumped out of bed, washed my face, put on my snow boots and coat and went to Meijer. And know the worst part of the whole trip? It wasn't the (below) freezing temperatures or the stockers blocking all the aisles or even the rush I was in (so that I could be back in time for husband to get to work). No, the worst part was that none of the checkout lanes were open and I had to check myself out. I hate that.

These are the reasons I hate to self check: I usually have too many groceries and they don't fit on that mini-shelf so as I adjust them to fit the machine "beeps" to warn me (and everyone else) that I've removed a bag; at least half of my coupons don't work so I have to walk to the unenthused cashier so she can punch them in; I try to get all my stuff to fit in the least amount of bags so I overstuff and a bag (or two) rips open; a clearance item doesn't scan and I have to go back to the cashier who is already unhappy with my multiple unscannable coupons. Oh how I hate self check. Shouldn't I get a discount for having to scan and bag my own stuff? Who do I write to about this?

But, do you know what I do love? A deal! I love coupons and anything 50% off. So, when my friend started this website, I was in love.
Check it out.

Y'all Come Back Now...or Later.

We're back in the Midwest. The trip was good...maybe a little too long, but good. Tonight I took Suave to get his hair cut and he told the Great Clips lady, "we went to Texas but stayed for too long so I got mean." How perceptive. Apparently, 4 states, 2 hotels, 4 homes, 1 Quincenera, Thanksgiving and 2 big, Latino families are too much for a four-year-old. Who would have guessed? Admittedly, we tried to pack in too much in the 2 1/2 weeks we were there. Funny (or, not so) how kids will let you know just when and how much of "enough" they've had. Of course, Bea ate up all the attention and we are still trying to remind her of our "home rules" and that there are foods other than "taco".

So, about the Quincenera... My sister celebrated her 15th birthday with a big party. It's quite the tradition, right up there with a Mexican wedding. Big dress, cake, mariachis, food, tons of people. It was a great time. My dad wanted to make sure we shook off our Midwestern way-of-life for the night and allowed our children to indulge by running around on the dance floor, staying up waaaay past bedtime, dancing and simply getting spoiled. We let them and they loved it! Suave showed off breakdancing moves we didn't know he had and Bea was right behind.





Thanksgiving was a different story. Made me even more Thankful for my wonderful husband who knows just when to take the kids for a walk and when to just let me be alone to cry. Thanks Babe.

On the Road

This weekend we packed up the minivan and headed South. I've been busy tending to all the sickies in the house, pack, work and fulfill my housewife-mommy duties that I've neglected the blog. I have so much to talk about and a few pictures to post but right now I'm in the comfort of a Missouri Comfort Inn.

Our trip to Texas started this morning at 4:45 am-fourty five minutes later than planned but no problem, other than the rain. We woke up the kids, bundled them up from the cold and wind and buckled them in the car. Suave got us started by saying, "Let's hit the road!" and Tim started us off with a prayer. We were hopeful that the kids would snooze but, no luck, they stayed awake until our first Starbucks stop at 6.

Speaking of Starbucks...when did their breakfast items get soooo yummy!?! We all shared some feta, mushroom thing that I am craving again.

So, again we headed west, out of Illinois. A few stops here (McDonald's) and there (Wal-Mart) and a couple of movies (James and the Giant Peach, VeggieTales) later and we arrived in Springfield. The kids were eager to swim and while they were at the pool with daddy, I did a little cardio in the gym.

And now, everyone is asleep. Hubby next to me, Bea in the other bed and Suave in his favorite sleeping spot, the floor.

Tomorrow we arrive in Dallas. I'll tell you all about it...

Buckling Down on Bedtime

In preparation of winter I have started my hibernation preparation. The kids have started their for the winter olympics; bouncing around the house and finding unstable things to hang on. Summer was spent by Suave in mid air and he's not slowing down just because of the cold weather. This summer he learned to play football, ride his bike (rattle-y training wheels and a distinctive pedal rhythm gave me a 2 block "warning" when they were on their way back from the park). It was the summer of the Michael Phelps, the State Fair,
rocking the swingset out of its cement posts, singing "Jolene" and driving to NC. It was a summer of endless playdates at the park and visits to the Children's Museum.



The long summer days are ending and our sleep clocks are still fighting the change.
The summer made us lax in a sleep routine and the change of season is my time to buckle down at bedtime. My goal is 10:00 every night so my own body can get that 8 hours sleep. If I'm better rested I'm more likely to exercise the next day. Although, not tonight.

Suave has decided against nap. If he weren't such a bear by 6:30 I'd let him skip them. Plus, naptime is a perk of stay at home parenting! Who doesn't love a good nap? Other than my son.

And, everything he does, she follows. I love it except when they join forces at nap and bedtime. Suave is in his upgraded "big boy" bed. When Bea was born he went into a twin bed on the free-with-purchase metal bed frame. At a summer yard sale I found a bed frame with layers and layers of paint but solid wood for $10. How exciting that Husband was eager to clean it up for his boy. It was a summer project but today it was brought in and set up.


Tomorrow we're disconnecting cable. Since the Insight/Comcast switch service is bad, at best. Plus, with Husband starting his Masters(!) and with my own endeavors...well, television is not condusive. Remind me of this during the December re-run season. I'll wish for that Oprah on DVR, the one about the Olsen twins that I just rolled my eyes at before I hit delete.